A First Class Experience

Well I'm back safely in Torino, ready for round 2 of my graduate education in the beautiful, scenic region of Piedmont.  Let me just say that this was the best, the BEST international trip I've ever had the pleasure of taking in my life.  How's that, you say?  Nine hours on a plane while you're subjected to horrid C-list movies and beverage carts running over your toes?  Traveling sucks, and the trip started stressful as I waited an entire hour in line just to check my bags.  During my time in the queue I glanced over at First and Business class with their zero waiting time and fancy rugs to denote class distinction.  I considered how I would compose an application for future sugar-daddies (in English and Italian, just to be fair) because how else would I ever be able to travel with the upper-echelons of society?  It's always been on my bucket list, and damn it, that would be nice - just once.

the breathtaking alps.

Before this trip I was certain my ancestors had wronged the universe in some way because I constantly bore the worst airplane curse imaginable - that's right, sitting next to a baby.  Not just any baby, not the sweet ones with the pudgy cheeks and firmly placed pacifiers, but the ones who insisted on touching my arm every 5 seconds and grabbing my water cup because it's shiny.  UGH.  This time I found my seat, 30D, and settled in for an intense travel day when a German lady and her son sat right beside me.  Drat!  Again!  Alas, will my suffering never end?  The dastardly airline curse will plague my descendants for generations!  Then suddenly the German husband exclaimed I had his seat - I thought, nein, it can't be.  But there it was in print, 30D as well.  The attendants rushed away with our boarding passes and I imagined the next baby I'd undoubtedly be seated next to - but to my amazement I was handed a new pass: 4D.  What could that even mean?  No.  No way.

ohhh heck yes.

That's right people.  First Class.  Eat your hearts out.  I don't even care that I'm bragging, it was niiiice.  And could there have been a better flight for the airlines to screw up?  I'll take the 9 hour flight with the rich folks, thank you very much.  Now, I didn't technically earn this spot in row FOUR of a several hundred seat plane, but I sure as hell milked it for all I could!  It.  Was.  Awesome.  My seat was on its own between two rows in the very front of the plane - oh, what's that?  you're going to take my jacket?  why thank you.  oh, and my bag?  just put it right up there.  thaaaaanks, darling.  The seat had a massage system, incredible reclining capability, its own pop-out table and personal TV monitor where I could choose my in-flight entertainment.  Ohhh, the glory.  The power!

allow me to peruse this menu whilst sipping a glass of viognier.

I think I gave myself away as a newbie because I was fidgeting with all the gadgets, adjusted my chair constantly and generally beaming.  I looked around to see the excitement I expected from the others in my area but they were all accustomed to this mode of travel - luxury.  I sat back, turned on my massager, unwrapped my blanket (even those are better in 1st class) and grabbed the fancy headphones to watch a movie.  Soon they passed out the hot towels, linen for my table (oo-la-la!) along with a menu for my dinner.  A menu!  None of that "chicken or beef?" they yell across the row at you in the back of the plane.  I had three courses to select!  A cheese plate, yes, that's what 1st class me would like.  Oooh, a wine selection!   Viognier!  None of that "red or white" they throw at you in the plebeian section.  And there's real glass up here, not plastic cups!  The short ribs and the Bordeaux for my second course, please.  What?  You're out of Bordeaux?  *sigh* Unacceptable.  Sure, I'll have the Burgundy.  Flan for dessert with fresh berries - hmm, I wonder what they're doing back in economy class… Oh wait, I don't care.

you know, h'ors d'oeuvres.  that's how we do it in first class.

Now I'm onto my second film and readjusting my footrest for maximum comfort - I can hardly believe how much space I have.  No one's in my personal space, no one's child is touching me.  In fact I can't even hear the slightest noise that would indicate a child is even on board this flight.  Bliss.  Yes, you may offer me some chocolates.  Oh, and is that Bailey's you've got there?  Mit eis, danke.  This is the life.  And I didn't even need a sugardaddy, just someone's ever-so-fortunate clerical error or computer mishap, what a joy!  Getting kinda sleepy from dinner, kinda full on short ribs, I think I'll kick back and put on the ol' eye mask and ear plugs provided in my business class kit found tucked beside my seat.  I successfully snooze, something I never EVER manage to do on planes, even with the aid of my buddy Mr. Tylenol PM and when I stir, thinking I'm a bit parched, I find a glass of water has been placed at my seat.  Oh, I almost can't handle it.  It's too perfect.  May it never end!  Soon breakfast is served along with all the warm muffins and croissants you could imagine.  I've just finished my morning tea when - wait, we're an hour from Frankfurt?  No.  NO.  I won't leave.  Ever.

a little nightcap.

But I must go.  They bring me my jacket and allow me to disembark among the first 10 people - I can hardly say goodbye to my German flight crew, I feel like they really cared about me.  Didn't they?  Or was that just good customer service training?  Either way, I'm thrown back into the airport bumping into people, dodging carts, thinking - how did that go by so terribly fast?  And why do normal people smell kind of sweaty?  Well, it was fun while it lasted.  My stint as an in-flight elite was short-lived, but WELL worth the relaxation and comfort I never knew existed on mass-transit vehicles.  I arrived safely in Torino several hours later and promptly described my experience to everyone who would listen.  I suppose that's not very posh of me to brag, but it really has been on my bucket list for years.  So glad I was fortunate enough to be able to experience that at no extra cost!  Though I can't say I'm looking forward to economy class Trans-Atlantic flights anytime soon...