The choice to come to Italy for graduate school was my own. I did all the necessary research, gathered and submitted all the paperwork, appealed to my financial committee (read: Dad), and prepared myself for the inevitable as best I could. Now that I'm here, I realize there wasn't much I could have done to anticipate what my experience would be like. And I'm not sure if I fully considered the impact this decision would have on those closest to me.
As school moves forward, I'm dusting off my study skills and attempting to enter a zone of total academic concentration. I have reevaluated how I should allocate my time and energy in order to achieve the best results. This is obviously a complete shift from the way I've been living my life the last 2 years. And this has put a strain on me emotionally. For the past few weeks my relationship has found me in a two-planed existence with one foot back in Austin and one here in Turin. This week I've made the difficult decision to shift both feet to Torino at the expense of another.
At the start of this adventure, I had unwavering faith in my ability to maintain my commitment. What happened to my strength and dedication? It appears that those efforts and abilities are being focused in other ways, to school, to my new life, to the development of my career. I must say in this instance I don't find myself easy to love, as I seem to have chosen myself over a good relationship. When is putting oneself first a self-sustaining act and when is it a selfish deed?
This has been a difficult realization, and I can now only think of the wonderful memories and everything positive I've learned in the last year. My next step is to consider the ways in which I can better myself and further my understanding of my personal needs in this new environment. I hope I can continue to prove myself easy to love and, by the grace of God, easy to forgive.
You have had several significant others in your life. All of these appear to have been praiseworthy individuals, based on my brief encounters with them. But none of them has been right for you, Brittany. That relationship is yet to appear.
ReplyDeleteYour task at present is to learn, and grow, and to become the young woman you are meant to be. Continue to walk your path with courage and honesty; that is, with an open heart, and all things will be fulfilled in their proper time.
You are in our hearts and our prayers.
Kristin and Landon.
You're definitely doing better than your brother at the relationship game though. Learn through my mistakes! :)
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